My theme for 2010

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People have been discussing their theme for the new year a lot. I have never done this before. I struggled with this for days. Tried to come up with something inspiring, life transforming. But I had to come up with something that was true and real to me and in the heart of yet another winter, depressed, anxiety and nightmare-ridden, the word that keeps coming up for me for 2010 is:

ESCAPE

Whether that means playing Warcraft like I did yesterday, my priestess jumping on a hippogryph and flying away. Or maybe packing up and moving far away? Real or imagined, I just want to escape feeling the way I feel most of the time here. I want to escape my reality. I want to escape my fears. I want to escape potential threats. I want to escape misery and sadness. I would have chosen change but I am too jaded to believe that any change would be change for the better here.

What is your theme for this year? Did you try and come up with something shiny and happy but couldn't, like me? Or am I the only one? Wish I could be shiny and happy but in the end I must be true.

We survived

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The snowstorm yesterday was absolutely insane! I have lived in Ottawa which gets a heck of a lot of snow but I have never seen snow fall as thick and heavy as it did yesterday. I literally could not see anything outside our windows except white. When the lights began flickering on and off inside our house I panicked! I got to working on a big meal, hoping the electricity would hold for it because I did not want that food to go to waste. The idea of spending goodness knows how long in the dark and cold with just a propane fireplace to keep us warm (thankfully it is now working!) on a freezing winter's night really did not appeal to me at all. At all!

Thankfully the power held and our house is warm (well, as warm as this house can get) and my husband just left the house to shovel the driveway when our neighbourhood snow angel showed up and dug us out. You can not tell just how much snow we got because after the snow fell it turned to freezing rain and compacted everything down nice and heavy. Thank goodness for the snow angel! Who is usually quite elusive, I finally got a photograph to prove his existence.

So that is our update. We survived the storm and had a friend dig us out. When it comes to Nova Scotia, there are no better neighbours in a crisis anywhere. For that I am very grateful.

When to listen to fear

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I have always had issues with anxiety. When I was a kid I was convinced if I fell asleep at night our house would catch on fire. If I went out, I would be kidnapped... It has taken me a long time to figure out what fears are real and what fears are just shadows in my mind terrifying me for kicks. Ever since I moved to Nova Scotia and had our car accident, I struggle with finding out what fears are worth listening to because honestly, I have wanted to listen to each and every one.

The one fear I can not get passed is bad weather. We are getting tons of snow and will be for the next three days. We had planned to get together with good friends but now we are shut in our homes. Thank goodness we got some food but there was a "raid" on the grocery store New Year's Eve (you can read about it here) because of this storm and my anxiety issues with crowds has only made my nerves a little worse.

The temperature is just at the freezing point which makes the roads so slippery and mimics the weather conditions of our car accident. So I will stay inside and hope that the weather improves so we can go out to play with our friends another day. I have never been through anything more violent than our car accident. Fear works to keep us safe and this is a time I will listen to my fear. When the weather improves I will once again attempt to kick its ass.

Wishcasting: What do you wish for 2010?

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Today my sister Jamie is asking at Wishcasting: What do you wish for 2010?

I can honestly say, a new healthy life for me and my husband's life together. That our health issues are addressed, we both feel amazing and begin a new life filled with vitality together, hopefully some place where we will both be happy and healthy.

I love new beginnings. I want a fresh start. I want us both to be strong and healthy for a new phase in our life together.

Blessed be.

Merry Yule

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I am not a huge one for Christmas but want to wish everyone a beautiful day tomorrow filled with the joy of the season, no matter how you celebrate it.

For me it will be with good food and hopefully time finally spent with my husband. We have been so busy since he got home but mostly it is good stuff like Christmas get togethers and time with people we care about. Tomorrow when he comes home from being away I just want to curl up with him on the couch, watch silly Christmas stuff on TV and just be grateful for having him in my life.

Merry Yule to all! I hope that yours is filled with joy.

Our Winter Solstice

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The night before our Yule was definitely cool. See, I am a poet! We got the tail end of that giant snowstorm that hit the U.S. really badly. To my friends who were hit, I hope you are now dug out of that crazy snow!

We normally have our Yule tree up way before now but life has been insane but we did manage to get it up right before the solstice. Every year I get sad that we do not have a star that lights up, I mean ours is pretty but it just is not the same. My husband loves these giant outdoor LED lights for the tree which is covered in so many treasures and gifts from our families.

I marveled at the pretty little snowflake lights my husband had put up around the window of my crafts room as I watch the snow fall, fall, fall. Sometimes it just seemed to be filled with suspended white flakes, they were everywhere.

My husband came up with the genius idea of putting out little LED candle lights inside our star! As a result he is the one now responsible for turning these lights off every night but it makes me so happy to see lights on top of our tree.

On the solstice we had to stay home and wait for the guy to come fix our fireplace. I made this appointment almost two months ago! And the day that he came and returned the light to us was the solstice, how appropriate.

Believe it or not it is currently above 0C here and the snow is probably going to melt by Christmas but on the solstice there was still some snow and our hearth fires were burning bright in front of the Yule tree. I spent the day baking treats and cooking a roast and drinking Elderflower Presse. My husband and I can not do Christmas/Yule presents for each other this year but when your house is warm from a pretty fire and the oven baking goodies, well, it is hard not to feel rich.

Blessed Winter Solstice Everyone!

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Congratulations Sara @Soulspackle! You won my cauldron necklace!

Beverley, Sulwyn and Heidi won my little vervain and mandrake root spell bottles!

Please email me your mailing info at sueridler at gmail dot com and I will mail these treats to you in the mail in the new year.

I hope everyone is having a blessed Yule today! We finally got our tree up last night, I will write about it tomorrow. Just in time for Yule during a blizzard.

Stay warm everyone and thank you all so much for participating! Almost 40 people entered, truly a fantastic turnout, I appreciate it so much.